That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
