Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
