i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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