You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
