your parents love me but you hate me
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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