dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
