I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
