Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
that may or may not have been my penis.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
