and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
