Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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