I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
