you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
