Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i wish my penis had a tongue
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
