He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
