After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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