I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
