On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I deserve to be covered in dicks
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
