There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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