If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
