he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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