i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
