So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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