sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Two words: blizzard sex
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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