piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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