Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
