You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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