Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
