It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize