somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
