No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Randomize
