almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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