i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
