clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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