In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
