see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
