wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
