Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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