how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
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