This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
