It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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