well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
