Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
