the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
