I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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