There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
