last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
worst night to have a conscience
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
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What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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