Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
