So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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