she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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