It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
