I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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