It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
