my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Enjoy the penises
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
