Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
