There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
