Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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