remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
