I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
