i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
