its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
