Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
