Having a random hookup so left but love u
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Randomize
