dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
