That's intense
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i think i just lost a toe
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
