oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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