Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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