I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
3 2 1 whiskey
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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