I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
