WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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