How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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