I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
