I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
