I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
