hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
