I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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