I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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