I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
