She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
