you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
