And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
false alarm, still single
Randomize
