What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
