Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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