she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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